Music and my life!! dah dah do...

Is there anything that music cant make me feel?

I love the dynamic of music and how it affects me. The feeling of love that it makes me feel in times that love doesnt seem possible. It opens up this idea that although things dont seem like they will compell love to come into my life, it will. The justification that I feel when I'm angry listening to the right beat and stroke. It answers the questions that I have about life and the deeper meaning to my own thought. Why can music explain my mind better than I can with my own words? I try to justify that I know my thoughts better than anyone, but maybe... maybe the hip-hop rapper, the country singer, or folk singer knows me better. My words are in their lyrics. I know that this seems like something everyone notices. The ability to recognize, "this is my song" seems easily accepted but not as easily explained. I guess the only thing that I can justify is that I LOVE music and all it brings and shows me. ROCK ON!!

A midst the madness there is some magic!

The most important thing that I have learned in the past 10 years of my life is that magic doesnt always come, but when it does, its important that you love it. An example of this is that I have at least two different dreams every single night. One, is the same dream that I have had for just over 5 years. It is EXACTLY the same and it wakes me up every night... Thats the madness. But every other night or every three nights I will have a dream right after that reminds me that there is MAGIC still around me. I think that this is true in all aspects of my life. I know my blog expresses my appreciation of the good things that are happening in my life. The people, the situations, the experience, and all the other things that make me who I am, I have learned to love. I can honestly say that I love my life. There is no place that I would rather be. Its good to be sitting on top right now. I am not sure how long that it will be like this but I am glad that in my life, its not the first time and it will not be the last time that I sit at the top of my life's journey and enjoy the view.

With all the metaphors that I have just used, I want to say that if it wasnt for my hardships and my madness that I would never understand the real meaning of life and most importantly love.

Thank goodness for the small miracles!!

This is Baby Jesus. I was leasing out my house and the people decided to bail. Not the best thing to happen to me in a while but that is not the point. I discovered that they were leaving and had cleaned there things out about a month ago. I went up to the house about a week later and they still had some things left. Including two turtles. I advised them that they needed to come get all of it, including the turtles asap. A day later I received word that they had picked everything up and that things were clean. I got busy and was not able to make it up for 3 more weeks. When I arrived the turtles were still there. The water in the tank was gone along with any food. I picked one up and it was dead. :( I picked the other up assuming it was also dead.......BUT it wasnt. It was barely moving so I threw it in some water got it some food and spent hours trying to find a new and better home for him. 40 days and 40 nights of no food and water...... What better name than Baby Jesus. Thanks to Cassi, Lil P, and my mom for taking him in. He is a small miracle!!!! great little turtle.

Saddest man in the world

Ok Ok, For those of you who dont know me. These are some photos of me........As you can see I am super sad. Now you cant see it at first but if you look past the smile, past the guiltlessness, past the healthy body, past the peacefulness, and even past the true joy I feel. You can see that I am miserable.

Now just to confirm it I want to point out that I have some of the cutest nieces and nephews. I love them so much and I love to watch them grow and change. One of the best things that I enjoy is how they notice and point out things that we as adults take for advantage. I love the weather and from the snow in June to the 80 degrees at 8pm. Utah is crazy but its nice and so many of the people that I love and hold dear live here. My family will get a little smaller this week, Gregg moves to Oregon for medicine. excited for him but will sure miss him. I will have another long distant brother like I do with Sean.

One dynamic that occurs here in Utah is the idea that happiness is unreachable without God in your life. everyone looks at you different and definitely thinks about you differently. The truth is I am happy and I feel like I have written it quite enough in most of my blogs. Of course there are down days but they are outweighed by the up ones, thanks to great "family", great wine, and great experiences that happen new everyday..... for example I was at a parking meter where the first 20min are free. I ran in and it took me 30min and I was sure I would get a ticket. But someone had turned the meter for me. There is good in the world. ha ha

I know I must sound pessimistic and glass half empty but what can I say.....Life is horrible in this miserable spell I am in. But until then, I will enjoy my friends, my sunny days, my simple joys, and definitely my merlot!!!

peace, love, and rock and roll, Deuces.

The UPSIDE of anger.

So after reading my own posts and listening to comments written to me I want to make a BOLD (see bold!) statement. I am happy and enjoy my everyday. Just yesterday I assisted in saving a mans life. I also expressed my self to an old friend that I believe brought us closer. I amazingly caught something dropping from my hand after kicking it up in the air.....and someone was there to see how cool it was (usually no one ever sees it) I made 125 2nd graders laugh and smile about science. I enjoyed the best crepe. Got 100% on practice sectioin of the MCAT. All in the past two days.

"Your face is smiling but your eyes look all sad....why?"

Life is full of UPS and DOWNS. I have spent most of my life pretending as the downs dont exist and pushing them to the side. THERE IS AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM..... Sorry about that outburst, but I do spend most of my time in the up position but also refuse to accept that it is a bad thing to address the downs.

My belief in life brings me to the happiest places I have ever been. I understand more about family and that family is more than blood, it is more than law, it is more than time, its sacrifice. My family brings me happiness, learns from me as I learn from them, support me no matter my choices as long as they dont harm me, criticise to cure, cry when I cry, laugh when I laugh, and above all smile when nothing else seems right. That is the fact of my family and my happiness. Happiness is a choice, and I am happy. I love you to all my "family"....

P.S. stop worrying, I love you Che!!!

Do you understand your journey?.....I guess

I saw a quote by George Orwell that said, "No one can look back on his school days and say with truth that they were altogether unhappy." This made me think.....I want to punch George Orwell. I have been in school or learning for almost my whole life, and part of the University scene for close to 5.5yrs (I don't want to explain why so long) I am unhappy with it. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? According to the U.S department of commerce only 24.5% of people that enroll in college actually graduate. So many times I feel like being a part of the majority of 75%.

My time that I study for the MCAT takes more of my time than I spend sleeping and eating combined in a week. So if I don't obtain that MAGIC number needed to get into medical school than its all for naught. I have lost so much in this journey and its hard to think it comes down to this. Bye to some friends, bye to some family, bye to my ex-wife, bye to fun, and bye to normality. There better be some "hello" in my near future.

Well I should probably stop writing and start studying, besides who doesn't love Moduli of Elasticity?

what just happened

I have been sick for the past 3 days straight. And as fast as it came....wait, it didnt leave quickly. I have come to realize that things dont seem to happen when you expect them to. More importantly I think things happen as they NEED them to. A lot of people may claim it to be divine intervention but I think its way for the universe to balance itself out. I dont want to say that I was overly busy or over exerting myself but I do want to say that these past 3 days where I have in my bed, in my shower, or on my couch has allowed me to realize that I have a lot ahead of me and its time to get orginized. I was going through the motions but really digging in. Well, it may take "night sweats" to get me to shape up but I wonder if it will be the same for everyone? Or if some people never change....

In the beginning there were membranes....

                     With the start of the new year, year of the Rabbit, it is time for recovery and rest. Im never sure what to believe but last year was a hell of a year, year of the Tiger. I believe that last year decided to take every oppurtunity to piss on my open wounds that it could. I hate to use the words unlucky or painful to describe last year, but I think that this year....this is my year.
                     The year has started out well thus far, sprouting new relationships and vitalizing old ones. It is always interesting to see those that will stand with you in battle and those that want to shout advise from the background. Its not the first time that character has been tested but I guess that I have never seen the casualties that I did. But I guess that flowers can grow from concrete and even rocks can be destroyed by rain.
                      On the brightside, school has started and prep for one of the biggest tests in my life has begun. I am not sure how prepared I will be or how I will do but I can tell you that January 2011 is one of the best Januarys. :)